Peeing on a Stick to Parentdom

I remember it all very well. Something was amiss. I felt weird. My boobs were a tiny bit sore, but nothing to take note of. I was not nauseated. I just felt, well...weird. My vision was off. My head felt light....but I wasn't dizzy. Little did I know that I would end up peeing on little piece of technology that would say, "Yes girl, you are pregnant".

First thoughts....O-MA GOD, O-MA GOD, O-MA GOD, O-MA GOD!!!! How did this happen??? Well, I know how it happened. What am I going to do???? Should I call Justin right now or wait until he gets off work? PANIC PANIC PANIC. I'll call my mom, she will know what to do.......

She laughed at me. So then I called my sister......

And SHE laughed at me too and reminded me that I was almost 30 and I was fine.....

Then I called Justin. That's right, I told him over the phone AND I told him third. I cried the whole time. I freaked out all over him. No magical moment of "Honey! Guess what? I'm having your baby! Isn't that fantastic!!!!!" Nope. I was a mess. I wasn't planning on having a little one and I sure as hell wasn't in my right mind at that time. I cried and worried pretty much through that night. I wasn't upset that I was pregnant, I was just plain scared.
The rest of the night was a brain storm. I went through every sexual encounter in the past month that we had shared trying to pinpoint which one it was. I tried to imagine myself as a mother and Justin as a father. I thought of every bad thing I had ever done in my life and wondered how that would effect my future child and in what way? I babbled prayers over and over that didn't make much sense. I thought about beers I had the other week and if my child would come out with a third ear because of it. The "crazy" took over for a night. One night, that's all I gave myself to grieve for my youth, which had been over for a while anyway--let's face it.

The next day I put my big girl panties on.
I woke up and life was different. Everything was about the mass of bonded cells in my body that would eventually be a living, breathing human being (and what a cute one she turned out to be). I took a couple more pregnancy tests, and for any of you who have never tried peeing on a stick-it's not as easy as it sounds. I suggest getting a plastic solo cup and peeing in that THEN putting the stick down in it--otherwise you end up with a wet hand and that's just not cool. I was definitely pregnant four tests later.

I got a new job that would support our family. I wore gloves when cleaning. I quit smoking, drinking, caffeine, sugar, fatty foods, artificial sweeteners and started exercising. I bought books. I started a journal. I was going to be a powerhouse of MOTHER! The first trimester was really something special for me. I threw up on myself on the way to work a couple of times. My clothes were a little tight, so I just looked like I had a beer gut. All the foods I loved and adored made me ill. The smell of bacon was unnerving. I was a human siren. I screamed my little head off about anything that displeased the Queen (aka ME). Once, I threw a cup of water at my kind, lovely husband. He just stood there staring at me, all wet--by the way, men LOVE these temper tantrums, it is OH SO sexy. No seriously though--the hormones take a sec to get used to.

My second trimester was glorious. The nausea went away. You could tell I was pregnant and not fatty. I could eat again, but only half of my plate before I was so full I could pop and then other half I wanted within the next hour--another weird preggo thing. People started noticing I was preggo and I there were congratulations and bonding with women. I didn't have the weight gain in my face and I looked SO cute in my maternity clothes.

The third trimester I blew up. I had to buy new maternity clothes because the others didn't fit anymore. My belly would show along with other things I didn't want to show. My belly button was poking through my shirt and co-workers thought that was just hilarious! JERKS! I began seeing her move an entire arm across my stomach. Random people in the elevator or on the phone or on the street began telling me horrible stories about how they haven't slept in years or how their epidural didn't work and how much pain they were in and how sick their kids got.....why do people do that??? I was close to delivery and I was afraid of the pain and basically of passing a human through my vagina in general and these insights weren't helping.

She loved her home in my body. So much, that she went past her due date and we had to induce. My delivery went well. She was 8 lbs and 2 oz's. When they laid her on my chest something magical happened when she heard my voice. I heard the drums of all the women that came before me in my head. I was no longer the end of a chain, but a link.

It's been a quite a ride so far. Parentdom makes you feel Parent"dumb" most of the time. Having a child and trying to figure out how to keep it healthy and happy is a challenge. You hear doctors say words you've never heard. You cry when they get shots. You worry if you are doing things right. It can push you to limits. Sometimes it can be scary. I'll be posting a few of my AHA! moments. Please feel free to post what has worked for you as well.

To all you new parents, hang in there.

Kristi